Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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