break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Yo dont text me then not text me
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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