yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
