Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
