WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
