I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
