I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
