Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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