I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
