oh god the rape fog is back!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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