It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
