there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
