So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
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At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
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Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza