her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize