I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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