so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
