I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
