Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
