I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
