what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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