I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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