Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
