I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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