She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
