Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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