so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
