I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I can't turn off my feet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize