I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
