party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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