There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
