This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
