she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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