shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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