After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
