she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
