so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
