So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
