Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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