If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize