we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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