So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning