i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
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I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
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Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/