i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
