matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
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saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
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hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves