Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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