I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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