I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
