I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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