She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
