I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
