You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Randomize
