Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
