dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
