i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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