Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
