you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
