he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
