you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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