I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
