Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
