She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Alive.
So much puke
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
