i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
