No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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