Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
