He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
