Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
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It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
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Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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