3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
