why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
