sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
