i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
