I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
