Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
4 words: hood of his car
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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