Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
