It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
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So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
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I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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