dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
