After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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