If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
