tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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