it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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