know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
