So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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