So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
