I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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